Why bother reading
YET ANOTHER study, grinding out the insignificant details of who,
what, where, when and why we have YET ANOTHER social problem? All problems in
our society really only come from ONE problem. The trouble in our
past, present and future can be explained in one simple sentence...
Failing fathers
create challenging and troubled children!
I’ll prove it to
you…
Let me take you on
a brief tour of the history of ‘failing fathers’ so you can see what
kind of children they’ve produced.
Let’s start
with Saddam Hussein…
When Saddam
Hussein’s father fled the family, it was up to his mother to raise
him. When she could not, Saddam was given over to his uncle
Khairallah Tulfah, an army officer and avid Arab nationalist.
A deep bond
between Saddam and his uncle Khairallah developed.
When Saddam was
still a boy, Khairalla was expelled from the army and sent to prison
for five years because of his public sympathy for Adolf Hitler and
the Nazi belief system.
With Khairalla
away at prison, young Saddam was sent back to live with his mother
who had remarried a poor and reportedly lazy man named Hassan Al-Ibrahim.
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Saddam’s step
father found him to be nothing but an inconvenience. When he was not
neglecting Saddam, Hassan Al-Ibrahim would repeatedly abuse him. And what kind of
adult did Saddam grow up to be?
I don’t think I
even need to answer that.
Let’s move on
to Adolph Hitler…
Adolph Hitler’s
father was more than strict. His oldest son ran away from home to
avoid the violent beatings from his father. Adolph’s father then
shifted his attention to Adolph who then received daily beatings
from his father.
What about
Joseph Stalin?
Joseph Stalin’s
father was frequently drunk and often inflicted brutal blows on
young Joseph.
Stalin’s years of
cruel treatment from his father developed a vindictive attitude that
created his desire for revenge against any figure of authority.
Now let’s look
at the children of FAITHFUL fathers….
George
Washington’s memory of his father instilled a work ethic and
integrity into George at an early age. Even though his father didn’t
live to see George’s twelfth birthday, he fully imprinted his
positive values on George during his most impressionable years.
Martin Luther King Jr.had oneparticular
childhood memory etched into his mind regarding his father. He
recalled his father taking him to Atlanta’s segregated downtown to
buy shoes. When the clerk insisted that father and son move to the
back of the store to be waited on, Martin Jr. watched his father
speak firmly to the clerk saying “We’ll either buy shoes sitting
here, or we won’t buy shoes at all.” Martin Sr. took young Martin’s
hand and confidently walked out of the store.
Football coaching
legend Vince Lombardi is quoted endlessly. His father, Harry
Lombardi, regaled his children with philosophies about freedom and
responsibility. He consistently lectured Vince on his triangle of
success: sense of duty, respect for authority and strong mental
discipline.
So there you have
it.
Saddam Hussein,
Joseph Stalin and Adolph Hitler are children of FAILING fathers.
George Washington, Martin Luther King Jr. and Vince Lombardi are
children of FAITHFUL fathers.
Which did YOU
have? A failing father or faithful father?
To find out, give
your father a “Real Dad Score.”
The following
definition sets the standard for what a TRUE father must be in order
to produce a positive and productive child.
The first thing
you need to do is scan your memories during the first ten years in
your life. Throughout those years, rate your father according to
the following definition on a scale of 1-100%. (With 100% being the
highest rating.)
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My dad was
consistently tough but fair. He took a genuine interest in the
challenges, opportunities and joys of each of his unique children.
Look back at your
childhood years with your father.
If your father’s
score is in the 90%’s, chances are, you’re already very successful.
If you rated your father in the 80’s, you’re leading a content life
with very few struggles.
The 70’s mean you
may have some issues, but they’re not anything you can’t work
around. Real Dad score in the 60’s indicates the beginning of life
troubles.
Real Dad scores in
the 50’s and below create a troublesome life unless you deliberately
rebel against the way you were raised. When your Real Dad score
drops below the 50’s, the effects can be seen in your career,
marriage, social life and the lives of your OWN children.
You’ve heard the
slogan, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” but now you can
see how it applies to real life.
And that’s the
profound truth. Fathers create the quality of “apple” (son/daughter)
and with few exceptions, apples remain where they fall.
If you have
troubles today, it’s NOT your fault, but it IS your responsibility
to take control of them.
Should you place
blame on your father and be angry that he saddled you with these
problems? Of course not. What your father did or didn’t do doesn’t
matter anymore. It’s history. There’s nothing you can do to change
your past.
Since your father can’t repair the damage he did, placing blame on
him is only a temporarily emotional relief that will quickly wear
off. And where does that leave you? That’s right. Back to square 1 -
stuck with your emotional pain once again.
Bottom line? Don’t blame your dad for what he did back in your
childhood. He did what he did based on what he knew at the time.
(Actually, what he learned from HIS father.)
This is the reason
why generations of successful families produce generations of
successful adults as seen in the Rockefeller’s. It’s also explains
why there are “crime families”.
If you didn’t have
a Real Dad yourself, you can still you change the course of history
for your children. Start by focusing on the following “Real Dad”
definition and applying it to every situation with your children.
“I am a Real
Dad. I am consistently tough but fair. I take a genuine interest in
the challenges, opportunities and joys of each of my unique
children.”
Repeat this to
yourself during those times when your children challenge you and
test your patience. You must resist the urge to give in to your
negative feelings that tell you otherwise.
Your children NEED
you to succeed.
Now that you have
a clear target or goal that you can strive to achieve, focus on the
Real Dad definition. It will keep you going in the right direction
and ensure that you raise a confident and successful child who will
greatly contribute to our nations’ future.
And lastly, if
you’re a woman reading this thinking this doesn’t apply to you…THINK
AGAIN.
Your job is to
spread the word
to the men you know about what a Real Dad is and why it is important
to become one. By doing this, we’ll be able to stop this vicious
cycle of troubled fathers creating troubled children once and for
all.
Bio:
Larry Bilotta is
the leading authority on understanding people.
He has been actively involved in helping people build their
self-esteem, reduce their stress and improve their marriages since
1993.
If YOU didn’t have
a Real Dad and you’d like to learn how to
instantly eliminate painful feelings, stop dwelling on your problems
and START feeling better about yourself, get your FREE 7-day email
mini-course at:
Larry is also the
author of a book that helps women make sense of the emotional
pressure and guilt in their everyday lives called Softhearted Woman
Hard World.
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